the next 10 months

After my Dr got my pain meds fixed so i wasn't pucking all the time i started to improve a little. with the in home pt i was able to walk a little better and start driving again. i was still seeing the surgeon one week and my primary care the next which was not easy but i managed. after 3 months my visits became monthly which meant that i was finally improving even though it didn't feel like i was. i started getting really depressed because i couldn't do much it hurt to sit up for more then an hr at a time. in December i finally was at my breaking point and needed to get out and get away from my house, my prison. you see being accident prone and living in a state where there is lots of snow and ice make you terrified to leave the house. so i called my dad and step mom and they flew me down to cali. it was warm and there was no snow and no ice. my step mom made sure to keep me busy. i found if i wasn't the one driving i could manage to be up for a bit longer. we  went to the beach one day with my aunt and uncle i think that day was the best i had had in a long time. i spent 3 weeks in cali before i had to go home for a Dr apt the following week. i flew home Christmas day but i was ok i wasn't nearly as depressed as i had been. i enjoyed my birthday. Then on January 4th 2012 i went back in to see my surgeon and my world ended. it had been almost 6 months since my surgery and i still couldn't hold my head up for long periods of time so my aunt asked the question that i was terrified to ask. she asked if i would ever be able to go back to work. he said no and just to make sure i understood what he was saying my aunt asked if i should apply for social security disability and he said yes. my whole world came crashing down around me here i had just turned 31 and i found out i would never be able to work again. i began to wish i had died during the surgery. the surgeon put me back in pt and order a tens unit for me in the hopes that i would be able to at least hold my head up for 3-4 hrs a day. he said he would see me in 3 months. so i complied and went to pt for the next 3 months. the problem was the pain was getting worse not better with pt so when i had my next apt with the surgeon i told him and he had me stop pt. in April i sold my car so i could pay some bills since i had had no money coming in since October and that's when some things started to turn around. i sold my car and my long term disability was approved. my mom suggested that i use part of the money to have the gastric sleeve done down in Mexico and that she would pay for half of it. so i though about it and i talked to my Dr's and it was agreed that losing some of my weight might help with the pain. so may 16th 2012 i went to Mexico with my mom and had the surgery. it wasn't an easy surgery epically since i was still recovering from major surgery even though it had been 10 months before. i have learned that it takes at least 1 year for you to completely recover from any surgery and here i had 2 in 10 months.  when i saw my surgeon in April he was very happy with the way i was healing and is hopeful that i wont have to have a second surgery right next to my brain steam. we will see what happens. that brings my story up to date so to speak. i don't see the surgeon again till October.


all this has helped me realize a few things one of which is that you should live your life to the fullest because you never know what is going to happen. i have also come to believe that you should never hide who you are it only makes things worse. my depression over the last month hasn't been quit so bad because i have decided to stop hiding who i am at least from my friends. one day i hope to be able to be open with my family but for now my friends knowing the truth is a step in the right direction.

Waking up

The next thing I remember is being wheeled down the hall the next morning on my way to get an MRI. I have other vague memories of that day I remember my parents being there and having one of my IVs blow. It wasn't till the next day that I have any clear memories. My dad and step mom came in the morning to say good bye because they had to go to Arizona. I remember finding out that my body was dumping sodium so I wasn't allowed to drink water. I remember being in a lot of pain and having spasms in my neck. That night the other 2 iv's that were in place blew and it took most of the night for them to get a new one in me. I slowly got well enough to go home but I still had trouble walking and because they had to cut though the muscles in my neck I couldn't keep my head up. I was released from the hospital 6 days after my surgery. I had to go home with a catheter because my bladder didn't want to work. The night I went home I tried to take a shower and fell it took me my mom and my aunt over an hr to get me off the floor and dressed. 5 days after getting home I got my stitches out and my incisions didn't heal completely so I had a hole in the back of my neck for another month. The pain medication I was sent home with made me throw up every day for a month before they would change it. I lost 20 lbs that first month simply because I couldn't keep anything down.

The next part

A few days after being released from the hospital the surgeons office called and set up an apt for me on the13th of July to meet with the surgeon and go over how they were going to do the surgery and to give me my surgery date. Dr. Schmidt once again went over the dangers of operating so close to my brain stem. Then he explained that a surgical conference had been called and it was decided that my surgery should be done in two parts. The first part would be removing the bone chunk from the back of my spine and fussing the top few vertebrae to my skull. The second part would come later if needed and they would then remove the chunk of bone from the front of my vertebrae. My first surgery was scheduled for 6 days later. Over the next 6 days I prepared for my surgery. I talked to my nieces and nephews and made sure they knew how proud of them I am and told them that I was having a Minor surgery and that it was no big deal. I talked to my siblings and told them about my surgery and what a big deal it was. I made arrangements for my dad and step mom to come up from CA for the surgery. At 30 I filled out my first advanced medical directive and I organized my DVD collection. One of my sisters from CA and her two kids came up a few days before the surgery and surprised me. I spent the 6 days before my surgery keeping everyone else calm I didn't have time to freak out myself. Finlay July 19th 2011 came. It was a Wednesday and early that morning we arrived at the hospital for my surgery. They told us they expected it to take 10-12 hrs. I got my IV and was soon asleep.

In the begining

At the end of May 2011 I got a sinus infection. I took an antibiotic to clear it up and it worked great. However starting June 2, 2011 I noticed that my hands were numb. Over the next week the numbness spread to the rest of my body. I was numb from the neck down I also had horrid pain everywhere I could hardly sleep at night. I couldn't go to the Dr because I wouldn't have insurance until July 1, 2011. June 17, 2011 I drove from my home in Orem UT to my Dad's home in Apple Valley CA to throw him a retirement party. I drove home a few days later. Finlay July 1st came and I went to the Dr. She did the normal blood tests and basic nerve response test. She ordered an MRI for a week later and took me off work during that time. On July 8, 2011 I went and had an MRI of my head the technician requested that we do a CAT scan as well. After both scans were complete the radiologist called me and my aunt to his office and showed us the scans he couldn't believe I was walking my spine was being pinched off by two chunks of bone that had broken off my dense and fell in between my spinal cord and vertebrae. He told us go get to the ER and that they were expecting us and a neurosurgeon would meet with us there. My aunt and I went to the ER and when the neurosurgeon came down and after looking at the scans he told us that he didn't think he was the best person to perform the surgery that I would need and that he was going to send me to see a specialist in Salt Lake City UT but he didn't want me to drive so they were sending me up there by ambulance. When the paramedics got there they were shocked when I got up off the bed and walked to the gurney that they would use to transport me. After a long ride we arrived at the University of Utah Hospital in Salt Lake. I was admitted to the hospital and late that evening a member of the neurosurgeons team came to examine me. He said they weren't sure if they were going to do the surgery that night or not. The next morning Dr. Meic Schmidt met with me he was very honest that the surgery I needed was very risky. He explained that the two chunks of bone that were pinching off my spine were at the first and second vertebrae which are extremely close to my brain stem. He told me that my chances of surviving the surgery were only 50% and that my chances of walking after the surgery were only 20%.  I was discharged that day the surgical team needed more time to determine the best and safest way to do my surgery. You see I have no neck the Dr's couldn't even fit me with a child sized c collar I am also morbidly obese.